is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
