I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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