Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
