i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
