Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
