ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Everything about him screamed your future.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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