Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
