ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
