oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
