You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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