beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
