Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wear drunk well.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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