I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she smelled like a LAN party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
