whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
