Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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