i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then my night got REAL pukey
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
