Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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