New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize