We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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