He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
