Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
