Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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