Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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