you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
