I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He shit in the fireplace
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize