My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
