its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
