he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
