just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
