There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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