your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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