it hurts more in the daytime
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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