He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
