she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
third nipple confirmed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
