My room smells like vodka and shame
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
