All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm passing your future prison.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
