im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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