I think my vagina is haunted
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just found puke in my bra..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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