That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
