we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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