I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
