And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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