Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
