I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize