I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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