Slut skills are useful in every country.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize