It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
