i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
