Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
