Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
