By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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