Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Randomize
