The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
