It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
