Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
