Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
