what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
