I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
