his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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