He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
