Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
