is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
