He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
