he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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