I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
