What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
