cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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