fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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