the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How does it feel to date your dad?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
