Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
